Asher's Impure Thoughts (Colebrook Academy Series) Read online

  Chapter 1

  Asher Van Der Bos, known by his teammates as “The Boss,” had two obsessions—rowing and his girlfriend, Vivianne Glauser Benthurst. At the start of his senior year, Asher had every reason to be happy with his first obsession. He had an excellent chance of crewing for an Ivy League school, not to mention in the Olympics, and he’d been made captain of Colebrook Academy’s rowing team.

  Most of the time, he felt awesome about Vivianne, too. Sure, lots of people thought Viv was a cold-hearted bitch. They just didn’t know her like he did. They didn’t realize that underneath her prickly exterior, she could be hot and charming. But sometimes, especially when he went to bed—alone—Asher had the bone-chilling suspicion that she didn’t love him anymore.

  Last year, back when they were just friends, Vivianne had loved his attention. She flirted back. She smiled slyly and rewarded him with mind-blowing kisses when he’d sneak little gifts into her purse. She’d even cried on his shoulder a few times when things with her mom were especially bad.

  That first kiss had changed things, though. At first it was a good change—even if Viv was always a little skiddish when they got physical. But now it was a bad change. Suddenly he couldn’t do anything right. He missed the way they used to be. From time to time Asher even worried Viv was turning into her mother—a woman she despised. And Asher had hung in there, doing everything he could think of to get his old Vivianne back.

  Fall of senior year, New England was in the midst of freakishly mild weather. Asher had spent the morning on the water with his teammates, coaxing them through their best practice yet. Riding a natural high, he charged through the school looking for Vivianne. He caught a glimpse of her heading past the cafeteria.

  The hallway was crammed with countless tables and students as each social club at Colebrook tried to coerce new students to join them.

  A cute brunette he recognized from his English class stepped in front of him, blocking his path.

  “Awesome practice this morning,” she says, shifting to stand closer than she should and touching his forearm. “I run along the water most mornings,” she adds, like she realizes how stalkerish she sounds. “It’s nice and quiet—no one around. You can join me any time.” Her eyes cut up the hallway to Viviane. She’s offering herself up.

  It would be so easy to accept. With how little he saw Vivianne lately, she’d never even notice. But then Asher thought about how his mother had remarried before his father’s body was cold. No secret she’d been sneaking around with his asshole stepfather, Skip. Asher would never, ever sink to their level.

  “Thanks,” he says, shifting away. “But Vivianne is the jealous type.” He cringed internally at the lie. Nothing could be further from the truth. Still, he did his best to mimic Vivianne’s steely poise.

  “Well, if you ever change your mind,” she said. But he was already walking away. Toward Vivianne. He watched her run one perfectly manicured hand through her short, dark curls. Something his fingers itched to do. She tilted her face up to laugh at something her friend, Audi, said. As Asher watched the two girls, Vivianne leaned over and hooked her arm through Audi’s, resting her free hand on her shoulder. She seemed totally unaware that Asher was behind her. He slowed his footsteps so she wouldn’t hear him. She looked like a vintage movie star—in a white dress that showed off her tiny waist and creamy complexion.

  He crept closer to her…closer…almost there… “Gotcha!”

  He scooped her up, ripping her away from Audi and pressing her against his chest. Her body felt so small and fragile, like a little bird he wanted to bundle up and protect forever.

  A sharp elbow stabbed into his solar plexus. Gasping, he dropped Vivianne and bent over double. Goddamn it! he wanted to yell, but this Vivianne he was speaking to so he bit his tongue. Besides, it’s not her fault, Asher told himself. She didn’t know it was me.

  So Asher was shocked when he looked up to see Vivianne glaring at him as if he was the biggest asshole to ever walk the earth. “What the hell were you doing?” she hissed.

  “Apparently testing your self-defense skills.” He kept his tone light to hide his mortification. His girlfriend had just kicked his ass in front of half the school.

  She pointed to her dress. “Linen wrinkles, Asher. And I don’t have time to change before calculus.”

  People were starting to stare. Asher took a deep breath, willing his face not to turn red. Next to Vivianne, Audi stood awkwardly, shrugging her shoulders and giving Asher a sympathetic half-frown.

  “Lighten up, Viv,” he says, forcing a laugh out. “You’re beautiful no matter what your dress looks like.”

  Some girls passing by made little “aw,” sounds, like his devotion was adorable. Audi’s smile said the same. But instead of melting, Vivianne narrowed her eyes.

  “Be nice,” Audi said. “You look extra glamorous today. Can’t blame him for wanting to wrap his arms around you.”

  Audi’s words had exactly the effect Asher had been hoping for. Vivianne’s face cracked into a smile—a genuine thousand watt smile aimed right at her best friend. The smile that should have been his. “You really think so?” She asked Audi.

  “You know you’re amazing,” Audi said, linking their arms back together. Vivianne glowed at Audi’s praise the way she used to glow at Asher’s. He felt a surprising pang of jealousy. Then cursed himself for being a jackass. He just hadn’t said the right thing, the way Audi had. He just needed to phrase things like Audi would and then he’d get back into Viv’s good graces. He should have said glamorous. Beautiful was too simple. Too clumsy.

  “Escort us to class?” Audi asked.

  “Of course.” Asher draped his arm across Viv’s shoulder and sighed with relief when she didn’t shrug it off. But she was always nicer when Audi was around. He’d noticed that too. Problem was, there were things he wanted to do that couldn’t be done with Audi around.

  They reached the English classroom and Asher paused at the door. “Can I take you out to dinner tonight—someplace fancy?” Audi gave him an indulgent smile. Vivianne’s expression softened. She loved having a reason to dress up. “We could hang out in my room after,” he whispered in her ear.

  Vivianne stiffened at those words. It almost looked like she suppressed a shudder.

  She hates me, Asher thought.

  But then she crooked her finger, beckoning him closer. Asher’s heart soared as she rose up onto her tippy toes to whisper back into his ear. “Dinner won’t get you laid, Asher,” she hissed, scorn dripping from every word. “No reason to waste both our time.”

  He pulled back, stunned. It felt like she’d just slapped him across the face. Laid? She made it sound so dirty. So cheap.

  But she gave him a saccharine smile, turned on her heel, and stormed into the classroom without glancing back. Asher stood there, even after the bell rang and class started.

  To her, it sounded like, come to my room and let me grope you. How many times had he said something similar, thinking he was being romantic when really he was scaring the crap out of her.

  He’s been pushing her away by pushing her too hard, a voice deep down in his subconscious said, She’s scared. Of sex. Of going too far.

  A memory slammed into him: Vivianne turning to stone when he’d slipped his hand up her shirt. Almost like she was patiently enduring it. For his sake.

  They’d been together for almost a year and he’d barely made it past second base. And that progress was only because he kept pushing. Pushing. The word made him want to punch himself in the face. Or find someone to do it for him.

  He couldn’t believe it hadn’t dawned on him sooner: you d
on’t push someone you love into doing something they’re not ready to do.

  Slowly, Asher came back from his nightmare to reality.

  He’d wandered into the student union without even registering that his feet were moving. The massive room had high ceilings and exposed rafters. It had always reminded Asher a little of a ski chalet. Everyone hung out there when they didn’t have class. Now that Asher had puzzled out what was eating Viv, he had to find a way to earn back her trust—show her that he wanted more than just sex. He wanted a relationship—a real girlfriend who loved him, not just a warm body in his bed.

  He caught sight of a small table in the hallway. A blonde girl with possibly the biggest bra size in Colebrook sat by herself. Faith Wilkes.

  Faith’s elbows rested on the top of the table and she leaned over, her hands cupping her chin as her gaze locked with his. She watched him for a long moment, then flushed and looked away. Asher’s gaze slid right down her body. He couldn’t help it. Faith was built to be appreciated, whether you had a girlfriend or not. Then he read the sign dangling from the table. Abstinence Club.

  Yes. That was exactly what he needed. That could help him learn to wait for Vivianne, who was absolutely worth waiting for. Or better yet, maybe a girl like Faith could help him understand what was going on in Vivianne’s head—what she was afraid of.

  Asher sat in the student union and pretended to study. But really, he was watching Faith and waiting. Sure, he’d wait for Viv, but that didn’t mean he had to tell the whole world about it. To most people, something like the Abstinence Club was a total joke. Might as well tattoo loser on your forehead and call it a day.

  When the period was over and everyone shuffled in or out on their way to class, Asher stole up quietly to Faith Wilkes. She was leaning over, stuffing pamphlets into her backpack. He could see straight down her shirt to her white lace bra.

  He cleared his throat and forced himself to look away.

  “Excuse me, it’s Faith, right?” Asher said.

  Faith’s head jerked up. “Asher?” Her smile was blinding, like she’d been sitting there hoping and waiting to see him. It was exactly the look he craved from Viv.

  He glanced around anxiously then leaned in closer. She smelled good—like something homey and comforting. A little like vanilla but more flowery.

  “I need some help,” he said quietly. “With this whole abstinence thing.”

  Her blue eyes widened. Surprise. No, more like flat out shock. “Of course,” she said. “That’s why I’m here.” And she handed him a schedule.

  *****

  Two days later, he went to his first ever meeting of the Abstinence Club. He slunk into the darkened room and slid into a chair. He should have asked if this whole thing was confidential. Because God help him if word of this got out. The guys would never let him live it down. This was a horrible idea. He stood, grabbing his bag. If he bolted now, no one would ever know he’d even considered this.

  Then Faith Wilkes came in. She flicked on the light.

  “Hi,” she said, putting her hand to her chest like she was startled to find someone there. “I didn’t think anyone would come.” Her voice was soft—a slow Georgian drawl that was as unlike Vivianne’s quick, clipped tones as summer rain is to a snow storm. Faith’s voice was soothing and made it clear she wasn’t in rush like everyone else around him always was. “Please, sit. I’m happy you’re here,” she said, so sweetly that Asher didn’t hesitate before dropping back into his chair. He could put up with one meeting for Faith’s sake.

  “Why don’t we wait for a few minutes to see if anyone is just running late,” she suggested.

  “Yeah, okay,” Asher said. For those few minutes, he nervously watched the door, waiting impatiently to see if anyone would come in and catch him at an abstinence club meeting. Before long, however, he realized that no one else was coming and his thoughts drifted to practice this morning. His boat’s “stroke,” the guy who set the pace for the rest of the crew, had been slow and sluggish all morning. Asher would have to talk to him about that, maybe get him on the rowing machine to practice his pacing.

  Faith cleared her throat. “So, I guess nobody else is coming.”

  Of course, no one else is coming, Asher thought. The message was clear as spring water. They were the only two losers in the school who weren’t getting any. Besides Vivianne, who was the reason he was sitting here like a virgin asshole. Why Faith wasn’t getting any was a little harder to figure out. With her massive rack, long blonde hair, and tiny waist, she was pretty much any guy’s wet dream.

  He took a deep breath. Calming himself. He could do this. Relationships were about compromise and sacrifice. He was doing this for Vivianne. So why was Faith making the sacrifice?

  Colebrook was small enough that everybody knew everybody else. Most of this knowledge came from Vivianne’s friend, Markham Savoy, who seemed to know everything at Colebrook, down to who had sneezed during fifth period and why. He leaked some of his information to Vivianne, who used to share it with Asher. Half the guys at Colebrook had had a thing for Faith until it came out that Faith’s father was THE Reverend Wilkes—one of the most famous televangelists in the country. Asher supposed Faith’s totally jacked up and outdated views of sex must tie back to her father, although, god knows, she was a waste of a perfect body.

  “Why don’t we start by sharing a little about ourselves,” Faith said. Then gazed at him expectantly, her full lips parted.

  Asher shifted in his chair. Vivianne complained that he had lava for blood because he was always opening the windows for fresh air. But it wasn’t his imagination that time…it was definitely hot in the room. “What do you want to know?” He asked.

  “Why you are here tonight?” Faith suggested.

  “Well, my girlfriend, Vivianne, doesn’t…that is, she isn’t…” How could he say this without sounding like a douche? He couldn’t think of any so he blurted out, “Vivianne doesn’t want to sleep with me.”

  Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “I don’t think it’s because she doesn’t want to. I’m sure she does. Look at you, Asher—I mean.” A pale pink blush crept up her neck. “I mean, sometimes it’s not about what we want. Lust is powerful—and confusing.”

  Her blush deepened. Either she thought it was too warm in here, too or she was a little turned on talking about this too. “Want me to open a window?” he asked. He needed a diversion as well as an ice cold shower.

  “Uh—sure,” she said, flicking her lips with her tongue. The room suddenly seemed that much warmer. God, thought Asher as he strode to the window, were all girls that hot when they licked their lips? He tried to picture Vivianne doing it but he didn’t think she ever had. She was always too controlled, too perfect. She would never allow her lips to get dry in the first place, much less lick them.

  As he returned to his seat, Faith said, “There are lots of reasons a girl might want to wait.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Asher said, anticipating her reasoning. “It’s in the bible, right? I mean, we’re eighteen. It’s not like we’re getting married any time soon.”

  Faith blinked. “Yes, it is in the bible. But I was thinking more that maybe Vivianne just wants to keep the tension up, you know? Like, waiting awhile can build the momentum. So when you guys finally get together, just think how awesome it will be.”

  Asher felt a little stab of disappointment. He realized at that moment he’d secretly hoped the abstinence club would help him remove a few obstacles. Instead Faith was telling him to be prepared to wait. “Really? So you think it’s more about waiting for the right moment versus waiting forever? I don’t know. Sometimes I think maybe she’s scared?”

  Faith shook her emphatically. “Definitely not. I really don’t know Vivianne. But she doesn’t seem like she scares easily. And as for not wanting you…that’s…” Faith stopped and swallowed hard. As a result, Asher found himself staring at the smooth, creamy skin of her throat.

  “What?”